I have moved to a greener pasture on the other side :)
http://alvinleong.wordpress.com
Thursday, July 24, 2008
3 thoughts to end the day
Relationships, of all kinds, are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.
"Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts."
"It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for what you are not."
"Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood."
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
My secret
Finally decide to blog, its been long, very long.. so here it goes.. another long one..
I dont know what to do, dont know what to say, i just dont know. im totally clueless and aimless. i feel so naive, and helpless. I cant bear to do what i should, i cant stop myself from doing what i shouldn't.
What you see, is really not what you think it is, its not what it seems like. You shouldn't assume nor should you jump to any conclusion. Its probably the flip side of what you think it all is, and its all just what you hope it should. Never have i experienced such p***, its not what words can describe.
Everyday, despite all the silence, and cool, which may seem okay. Its not, its what goes on in your head on and on, over and over again.. wondering and guessing. Every single day, without fail, before my eyes open and every night before i shut them. Just too many questions, without answers that keep going on.
You certainly don't know, its been on going for so so long. You probably thought its the other way round, but you're wrong. The thoughts that you kept going over, every single one of them, just makes the day even longer and harder to past. I drag my feet as i walk, as if i was trekking up mount everest. The strands of black hair, that turns white each day. Things that i cant say, things that i want to prove, all those truth that has been longing and dangling in me all these while. Those bricks that they threw at me, i picked it up, used them, and stacked up my own brick wall, which i sealed myself it in.
The same table, that turns around on me every time.
The same thoughts, that runs in my head, all the time.
The same feelings, that goes through inside of me, never change.
please feel me.
i'm just weak, too weak.
why?
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
questions without answers..
Morning till night mugging sessions have been pretty conducive i must say, the quiet silence surrounds you as you go on an intense session of productive mugging. Its just merely a week plus away is the first paper.. getting a nervous and excited. Oh well good luck to myself!
The long drive to loyang with my buddy was rather worthwhile, the right choice made at the crossroad junction, between fun or future. It was something rather odd that i actually made this trip to pray at such an hour of the night. Random it maybe, but sincerely there,i was. I prayed hard, really hard.. for those i love to stay happy always and of course, totally healthy and ill-free. For myself it was studies that was my priority, good grades of course. A peace of mind, through my exams, no more pricks and needles all around, finally no more wild imaginations, no more doubts running in my head.
I shall be no fool, it really ain't that cool.
Standing alone in the park, searching in the dark.
Devils lurking around, surrounds a wounded clown.
Fearful he may be, with sinful tears of blood.
Denying it all, believing none at all.
A fool they call him, yet he chose to be.
Feel your soul, touch your heart.
Ask yourself, what do you feel and what you see?
kudos-
Running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
Sunday, April 20, 2008
The scar that never heals
It is not what you say that matters, nor the words that you hear. Its the feelings that you get and what the heart makes you feel thats real. Its what your mind tells you to believe but you refuse to, its the choice between the two which puts you in a dilemma, your heart or your mind? Even though you know its true, even though you knew it all, even though you seen it all and you bleed from the wound within it all alone. The day it stops, is the day that its all gone.. nothing left, nothing more, just a scar to remind it all. Tear drops from within, pure and raw. Foot steps that you've walked, no matter how hard it was, against all odds. The mind of steel, that never gave up. The temptations that you never gave in, even though it came straight up. The feelings you had, that could never tear you apart.
Its doesn't matter at all, as long as it goes, but once it doesn't belong, it has probably gone long, way long before. You can't deny, you can't hide, you can never run from the devil's pride. The denial of truth can never hide, especially from the one that runs and hide. All you seek for, is just the true pure heart, it wasn't easy and it never was, all you asked for was a happily ever after, like how the fairy tales goes. The scar that will never heal, will follow me a life time long, reminding me of what i was, what i did, even if it heals, it will still be a part of me.
It was the same place that it all started, everything, everywhere so familiar, faces that i've seen, people that i know, but it was all different. The words that i was greeted with, just brings me down, "i'm sorry to hear that." , "i heard about it, its really a pity." everything just stopped for the moment, memories flashed pass me.. i found myself in the middle of no where, somewhere so strange, so unfamiliar. Asking myself what am i doing here? i dont want no pity from no one, especially from myself, thats the last thing im looking for. Its just hard to believe and even harder to realise the facts. I dont know where i'm heading, even though i saw the familiar smile, i didn't know what to do, i just stood there staring for awhile. Its so close yet so far, how did it all end up like this. Perhaps its just another plan that god has made for me, perhaps its another test of the human life.
The day that it stops bleeding, will be the day it ends, the day that i say good bye. It might seem easy but this is probably one of the hardest lesson that you can ever learn. And learning it by the hardest way it is, which is to walk through it and fall, before you realise what's it for. Finally a question to ask yourself, what was all this really for ?
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
Friday, April 11, 2008
Let's Start From Here
Giving up, why should I
I've come to far to forget
We're beautiful, we just got lost
Somewhere along the way
So much was missing when you went away
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don′t need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn′t seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here
Standing here face to face
A finger on your lips
Don't say a word don't make a sound
Silence surrounds us now
Even when you were gone I felt you everywhere
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don′t need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn′t seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here
Let's start from here
I've never been the one to open up
But you've always been the voice within
The only warmth from my cold heart
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don't need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don't need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn't seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here
Let's start from here
Let's start from here
Let's start from here
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
Monday, March 24, 2008
Male Bonding session
Cleo Bachelor after party..
my bonding mates
its not what you think.
see i told ya!
the familiar smiles of friends..
Surrounded by the four walls all day long, the gloomy wet weather, just dampens the spirits around. It starts with the sun burning half your ass, waking up to fill your stomach, then the routine warming of the chair infront of the computer. Here we go again with the TV on, msn and the house phone, just automatically become your best friends for the day. You'll never be away from them for more than a minute. Even with the books wide open before your eyes, the true intentions of studying, simply cannot proceed. Work left undone, lying around the room, the clock ticking till the end of the month, like a time bomb waiting to detonate. The curious mind, blank and empty, you just cant focus.
With temptations all around you, it just makes things even worst off. Cant get a peace of mind, wasting your precious time that you're running out of, and spending on the wrong means, wasting your precious money down the drain, its all just not doing good. Even though all these gives you a short thrill, but when you realise it, it might be a tad too late to regret. Don't live to regret your wrong doings, you can learn from them but dont be a fool and step your foot in even though you know you'll get stuck. Easily said, tough to live up to it.
I need god to shine me a path, one that we guide me through it all, one that wont make me regret what i'm doing. Let me have the will to study, and stop these temptations surrounding me.
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
Sunday, March 16, 2008
its been awhile..
its been awhile, quite a long long while since the last update. Time flies, im sure you agree with me too.. its just strange and you can never be too sure of something till it happens eh? so many chapters of life, you dont even know how thick it is. :)anyways the rain is getting on my nerves, spoils my mood urgh.
Why is every corner, every footstep, everywhere printed the same image, its so tough, seems like everywhere is the same mirrors all over the place even the floors. what went wrong? why? how come its illegal to pick up passengers along the streets, but taxi drivers still do it? must they go thru the fine and jail and punishments then they'll realise what's wrong? or do they have to meet with an accident then they'll know their mistakes? why dont they think before they act, and what about others waiting at the taxi stand? i really wonder.. why? please answer my prayers god. there i stood waiting at the taxi stand, where i'll always be waiting, even though i know there's so many people along the road waiting before me, i already knew.
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
Friday, September 21, 2007
cowabunga !
its home made hawaiian pizza~! mmm yum! heavenly sinful...
Another chapter of the home made meal @ home~ now i know its not that tough to bake a pizza! hahah except the dough.. hah and the buying of everything part. its indeed quite easy and ya nice good most importantly.
Just another random thought, never be too complacent with what you are doing, never take anything for granted, treasure what you have, and treat them with the best you can give. The more dear it is to you, the more you should treat them better. Love them with all you have, shower them with all the tender loving care you can give, treat them like no other. The fear of losing someone, can sometimes be quite scary, just the mere thought of it makes u tear or even wonder what are you gonna do if that happens.
I suddenly start to appreciate book reading hah! how weird is that, well it was a really interesting one i must say, its called "The Smart Couple" how to have a happy relationship ;) i must agree that one of the main factor in a relationship is EQ. From that it branches out into different categories, reading the book does kinda make your mind open up a little to everything, and how things actually workout.
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
XOXO
Friday, September 14, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
weekends..
the farewell of my buddy herwin yip. your presence will be missed!
The past 4 weekends was absolutely boring, and its just pure waste of time. All i did was work, and rot at home. "stop whinning?" i'll try to stop the next time. Its been rather quiet and flat, nothing much.. work, filming, baking, rotting and school. School started for almost a month already, err so far so good, econs sounds easy when u pay attention and listen but when u head home and try working it out heh, not an easy task at all.
Life is amazing, many life events happen to you as you grow. Its strange that i dont seem to find any form of enjoyment or relief from what i use to do, such as clubbing, hanging out, sports, shoots, baking etc.. Its like a whole new mind set that i have now, and i'm kinda enjoying and getting the hang of looking forward to it, but its just different when you lose your source of energy and motivation. Its like everything sucked out of you, cant get it right, cant get things going.. its quite intriguing. I've already made up my mind, and i'm going with it, i just hope god shine upon my path ahead.
My head just keep playing the same scenarios again and again, now i can even memorise it all and write it into a life story or play. Every night, i've a tough time entering dreamland, its just repeated rolling and turning around, and my mind just cant shut off. Infact its so active and there's so much going on in there. Whatever that comes now, im just going to take it as a test, no matter how tough, how tricky or how long its going to take, i'm not going to surrender, i just can't, not at all. After so much that i've been through to get to where i am right now, even though at the age of 23, life was never easy for me. It might seem all cool and calm, but deep down inside it doesnt seem like it at all. I've learnt to fight for what i want in life, and never give up easily, cause nothing comes for granted. My mind is strong, my heart is strong, and my will is strong.
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
XOXO
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
lost..
in class wayne and dean.. and mee attentive and serious in class! Although i cant wait to go home XO :)
this is to bid farewell to my buddy herwin yip.. i'll miss you bro.
Pet shop boys @ Sing fest
Lost in the moment, lost in time. Ever tried sitting in the middle of the human traffic along orchard road? listening to you ipod, wondering whats going on, whats happening around you? thinking back? i can tell you that you'll feel that time is moving so slow, that you'll feel as if you're lost in time.
its quite interesting how things happen nowadays, out of no where, some how or rather things just drop on you. Like suddenly i just got a part time job, that suits my studies and is so flexible. Suddenly i realise my cheesecake is actually that good judging from the comments, and it could eventually become something which i can call my very own "business". I've been dragging and dragging on my driving license, finally i decided and book my TP.. Sigh.
well gotta work on it, if i want it to happen.. before its too late, it aint the end yet. its all about having a strong mind. XOXOXO
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
stranger's cake shop
hhaha hello people ;) its been awhile again! anyways been quite busy with my little cake business.. so yes people please visit my cake shop blog @ http://strangerscakeshop.blogspot.com its been pretty good err already got 4 cafes getting oreo cheese cakes from me ;) which is a good news! heh.. and school just started, its pretty good i kinda enjoy classes now!! really interesting i must say after not touching books for 2 years + hah! life is all good just have to focus and make it all happen. Work hard, play hard when you see the hard work getting results you'll feel so blessed esp sharing it all with someone :) RAWRrrr!! *strong mind* indeed. oh well.. time to head to bed tmr early class hah. btw if any of you peeps out there have friends working or opened a cafe do let me know intro me, maybe they'll get some cakes too hah!! XOXO its gonna be a tough 4 days ahead looking forward to sunday~ wooo hoo..
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
memory lane..
The most romantic moment ever.
When two lost buddies meet? dumb and dumber? hah!
I guess when you walk past a certain place, restaurant and landmark, all the things you did together just comes rushing into your mind. Its hard to stop it all from happening, its just natural for it to happen. Especially songs that symbolises it all, the times that you keep singing it for eachother with all the feelings in it. Despite the out of key voice, it still sounds perfectly fine, just like how its suppose to be. How wonderful right? :) heavenly that must be.. right smack in public hah~ even though voiceless. Rawrr..
You would give anything to have it back, even though the constant meet ups everyday without fail, you would still look forward to it very much. Not a bit bored or sick of it, making sure you're on time or early was the main thing on the list. Running from train to train, the constant check of your watch. Thinking whats for dinner, where to go and what to do.. but when you're all thinking in just one straight line you often forget about the other routes that you can take instead. Like maybe getting something from toys'r'us? jigsaw puzzle? or maybe some games or dvd? can be pretty interesting for a change. I'm sure when have 2 minds thinking about it, you sure can come up with something fun haha.. or even POKER or like tv games. what a way to unwind your stressful day at work or school eh?
Sometimes its really how much you want it and how far you're willing to go to make it happen, it depends if you have the heart to do it or not. If you have all the above, im pretty sure you're willing to do anything just to make someone's day? pop by for lunch even though its just a mere 30 + mins lunch break? thats not hard to achieve, its just how much effort you're willing to put in, and do you think its worth it? The one that has the heart will do it all, just to make it happen :) There's many people out there that really lacks fun and laughter in their life and when you think through it all, you ask yourself what can you do just to make them feel happy. You dont have to do much, its just all those nitty gritty thoughts and actions that shows it all and it really brings smiles to their face. Its all worth it when you think about it, just a little bit of effort and time, you make someone's day so much happier :) and its worth every bit of your soul.
oh well enough of my thoughts, when you spend a lot of time alone.. you tend to develop a lot of thoughts and really realise how much you're missing out. You'll just do anything to get it back on track, and when you do, you'll treasure it with your life. Cause you know, you'll never ever want to lose something precious to you again. If you gave 100% the first time, you'll give not only 150% but everything you've got the next and its all about putting words into action and not just plain talking. Its all about being responsible and prove it.
ps: i cant wait to bake sticky date pudding.. i wonder when, but its all worth looking forward to.
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen.
Friday, June 29, 2007
sticky chewy
Its been hot this whole week, you shower, walk out and you sweat like a pig.. Ewwww.. without aircon you're just bound to head off to shower again!!! Oh yes.. watched Transformers! finally after the long long wait and hearing all the hype about it.. "Transformers more than meet the eyes." actually i just found out exactly what it is hahha thanks to sticky chewy you.. what the hell people actually thinks its " transformers robots can fly? " lol oh well.. fantastic show best surprise i've got :) thank you. how interesting it can be looking at them transform damn coool!!! how i wish i have a car like bumble bee too hhaha!! wheeeee ~ its really cool when u watch transformers your whole childhood. WONDERFULLLLL~!
Nothing beats waking up msning, the small talks and stupid jokes.. that *faints* and looking forward to 6pm, right there waiting with the anxious and nervous feelings.. having dinner no matter cheap or expensive, bread or rice or snacks its still perfectly nice. like it always have been, its just all smiles.. dont mind doing it every single day.. rawr rawr rawrr..
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
the real world.
Life is never easy, you've to go through a lot to learn how to be a better man. Its all part and parcel of life, everyone around is your teacher, they teach you different things about life and guide you along the path. However its all fate that certain things happen and the certain people that you meet along the way, but deciding which is the right path for you is your own choice, cause its your future.
At this point of time, i might not be ready and all grown up yet, but when im all ready and the opportunity is still there, i'd be more than glad to prove it once again, that did be the greatest fairytale ending. Now thats all i can hope for, i've always believed in fate all my life.. Although its the hardest ever that i've encountered and the most unforgetable, but truely its the best ever. I'll still be the same old person inside,but all grown and ready. For now i'll still be here like always rawrr..
oh well.. the sun is all hot and nice, how i wish its just like it used to be.. all smiles.
ps: hope your dream comes true too, in time to come bro herwin. cheer up.
yours forever,
sexy back with lots of faith and believe.
Friday, June 22, 2007
not like the day, i've planned.
hey peeps guess what? i'm back !!!! woooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooo hahhaha.. not so much of a he he ha ha thing eh? ;) well finally i'm back home.. the place that i really call home, where everyone is, everything i want is and i guess things changed.. its not really what i had in mind or something that i've been looking forward to. i boarded the plane with hope and so much excitement. That very moment made my heart pump like a mad machine, and it just melt like a chocolate under the sun.. just smiles nothing else.. the next moment..?
all i can say is that god is still testing me and i really wonder how long.. how long is this going to last.. i cant keep flying in heaven and drowning in hell the next second.. i'll be here.. still standing like always alright! RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!
keep it short and simple ;) will update again sometime soon.. when i get pictures or wadever.
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
somewhere i belong..
i finally realise where is home, what is home and where i can find my sense of belonging.. and its not here. Things are pretty routine here, very boring, and i cant stand the fact that there's no one here. If say i go for casting after that what can i do? no where else other than home, even going to the agency for awhile or walk around alone? sucks.. there's nothing much for me to shop man. ;) there's something even money cant buy at home, so much rather than here. hmm.. i shall spend more time with my dad, before i head back to sg.. plus its father's day this sunday!
it sucks going out yet no where to go, even if there's somewhere i dont really want to. i rather head home and stay online or like play dota or watch movies and all.. it ain't so fantastic after all. i guess probably its about time for me to wake up, and head home soon.. RAWRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! im getting sooooooooo SICK of the food here, im having headache just thinking of what to have for lunch and dinner. omg i rather not eat than eat all the food there is here. the final solution is macdonals! hah! how great.. lol but well.. screw it. i rather make good use of my time now then bum it all down the drain! yes, i shall do that. :) i missssss misss miss so much lalalaaa.. ;) im coming back! finish my walk back in sg.. surely i will.
oh well people, take care! my buddy herwin is like me bumming at home lol cheers to that bro! even though miles apart!
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Picture Update!!
arriving at hk airport!
First good good meal..
korean buffet at SGD $12 EACH! WAHHH
busy mongkong!! ;)
yummy xu liu shan dessert!!
look at the rain so bad and all the umbrellasssss..
L.... V....
this is what i eat most for lunch!
Wong tai sin..
i pray hard.. for it all :)
cha chan teng! hk style all the oil...
lan kwai fonggg
pretty night vieww...
its been long since i last updated my blog hahha.. ;) things been alright here.. not as smooth as planned but no fear!!! Optimistic im.. i shall wait.. ;) good things need to wait, nothing drops from the sky. People visited hongkong hanged out together.. its all good. all the fun and laughter.. im running out of ideas of what to eat man.. urghhh hahha!! recently its been SOOOOOO HOT!!! omg.. i really hope its coming sooooooooooooon..!!!
My hearts eggs.. ;)
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Hongkie tong land
hey people im safely in hongkong right now! things are pretty good, been quite busy with castings and all which is a good thing that i look forward to everyday! Thats means more chances of getting jobs!!! :)
I still miss HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but very soon 30th of may will what im looking forward to.. heh now im at internet cafe using the computer. Hopefully soon my internet at home will be up so i can be online more often. I just had a superb haircut wonderful service and stylist, service is top notch! heh.
oh well i shall update more! heh XOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOX
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
Monday, April 23, 2007
Happy times
when you're happy you smile!
Fierce when provoked.
this one i dunno.. hah
founders of the "brotherhood"
brother & sista hood!
may day may day! help! lol ah may
i was burnt while taking this photo hah! many thanks to linda
trying to be geeky..
tio snap by alex.
our smiles together can light up zouk!
nothing more than what you see here ok. :)
the evil twin. dang i really like my hair man thanks edward! woo..
the good boy
im all in !
max is on tilt ! hahha
alex as usual bossing around as the chip leader! bleah.
its been a lot of partying, many late nights and of course its all happy times! finally end of my army and its all about enjoying myself now every single day! im sure all the time spent is all worth it and well spent! its all good. Hanging out with a new bunch of people, getting to know more people is definitely a highlight in life.. Not forgetting the old buddies, always being there. :) happy times! its just 3 weeks to hongkong trip, gonna miss so many esp those i've been hanging out. so finally some update :) heh
running towards the future
in god we trust - amen
