My secret

Finally decide to blog, its been long, very long.. so here it goes.. another long one..

I dont know what to do, dont know what to say, i just dont know. im totally clueless and aimless. i feel so naive, and helpless. I cant bear to do what i should, i cant stop myself from doing what i shouldn't.

What you see, is really not what you think it is, its not what it seems like. You shouldn't assume nor should you jump to any conclusion. Its probably the flip side of what you think it all is, and its all just what you hope it should. Never have i experienced such p***, its not what words can describe.

Everyday, despite all the silence, and cool, which may seem okay. Its not, its what goes on in your head on and on, over and over again.. wondering and guessing. Every single day, without fail, before my eyes open and every night before i shut them. Just too many questions, without answers that keep going on.

You certainly don't know, its been on going for so so long. You probably thought its the other way round, but you're wrong. The thoughts that you kept going over, every single one of them, just makes the day even longer and harder to past. I drag my feet as i walk, as if i was trekking up mount everest. The strands of black hair, that turns white each day. Things that i cant say, things that i want to prove, all those truth that has been longing and dangling in me all these while. Those bricks that they threw at me, i picked it up, used them, and stacked up my own brick wall, which i sealed myself it in.

The same table, that turns around on me every time.

The same thoughts, that runs in my head, all the time.

The same feelings, that goes through inside of me, never change.

please feel me.

i'm just weak, too weak.

why?

running towards the future
in god we trust - amen