3 thoughts to end the day

Relationships, of all kinds, are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.


"Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts."

"It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for what you are not."

"Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood."


running towards the future
in god we trust - amen

Say Cheese!

nokia launch

Sony ericsson

say hi to april ~

nike golf 08

behind the closed doors !

hmm ?

with the girls

my partner in crime

nicole ?

before it all..

preparation

after it all..

running towards the future
in god we trust - amen

My secret

Finally decide to blog, its been long, very long.. so here it goes.. another long one..

I dont know what to do, dont know what to say, i just dont know. im totally clueless and aimless. i feel so naive, and helpless. I cant bear to do what i should, i cant stop myself from doing what i shouldn't.

What you see, is really not what you think it is, its not what it seems like. You shouldn't assume nor should you jump to any conclusion. Its probably the flip side of what you think it all is, and its all just what you hope it should. Never have i experienced such p***, its not what words can describe.

Everyday, despite all the silence, and cool, which may seem okay. Its not, its what goes on in your head on and on, over and over again.. wondering and guessing. Every single day, without fail, before my eyes open and every night before i shut them. Just too many questions, without answers that keep going on.

You certainly don't know, its been on going for so so long. You probably thought its the other way round, but you're wrong. The thoughts that you kept going over, every single one of them, just makes the day even longer and harder to past. I drag my feet as i walk, as if i was trekking up mount everest. The strands of black hair, that turns white each day. Things that i cant say, things that i want to prove, all those truth that has been longing and dangling in me all these while. Those bricks that they threw at me, i picked it up, used them, and stacked up my own brick wall, which i sealed myself it in.

The same table, that turns around on me every time.

The same thoughts, that runs in my head, all the time.

The same feelings, that goes through inside of me, never change.

please feel me.

i'm just weak, too weak.

why?

running towards the future
in god we trust - amen

questions without answers..

Morning till night mugging sessions have been pretty conducive i must say, the quiet silence surrounds you as you go on an intense session of productive mugging. Its just merely a week plus away is the first paper.. getting a nervous and excited. Oh well good luck to myself!

The long drive to loyang with my buddy was rather worthwhile, the right choice made at the crossroad junction, between fun or future. It was something rather odd that i actually made this trip to pray at such an hour of the night. Random it maybe, but sincerely there,i was. I prayed hard, really hard.. for those i love to stay happy always and of course, totally healthy and ill-free. For myself it was studies that was my priority, good grades of course. A peace of mind, through my exams, no more pricks and needles all around, finally no more wild imaginations, no more doubts running in my head.



I shall be no fool, it really ain't that cool.

Standing alone in the park, searching in the dark.

Devils lurking around, surrounds a wounded clown.

Fearful he may be, with sinful tears of blood.

Denying it all, believing none at all.

A fool they call him, yet he chose to be.

Feel your soul, touch your heart.

Ask yourself, what do you feel and what you see?

kudos-


Running towards the future
in god we trust - amen

The scar that never heals

It is not what you say that matters, nor the words that you hear. Its the feelings that you get and what the heart makes you feel thats real. Its what your mind tells you to believe but you refuse to, its the choice between the two which puts you in a dilemma, your heart or your mind? Even though you know its true, even though you knew it all, even though you seen it all and you bleed from the wound within it all alone. The day it stops, is the day that its all gone.. nothing left, nothing more, just a scar to remind it all. Tear drops from within, pure and raw. Foot steps that you've walked, no matter how hard it was, against all odds. The mind of steel, that never gave up. The temptations that you never gave in, even though it came straight up. The feelings you had, that could never tear you apart.

Its doesn't matter at all, as long as it goes, but once it doesn't belong, it has probably gone long, way long before. You can't deny, you can't hide, you can never run from the devil's pride. The denial of truth can never hide, especially from the one that runs and hide. All you seek for, is just the true pure heart, it wasn't easy and it never was, all you asked for was a happily ever after, like how the fairy tales goes. The scar that will never heal, will follow me a life time long, reminding me of what i was, what i did, even if it heals, it will still be a part of me.

It was the same place that it all started, everything, everywhere so familiar, faces that i've seen, people that i know, but it was all different. The words that i was greeted with, just brings me down, "i'm sorry to hear that." , "i heard about it, its really a pity." everything just stopped for the moment, memories flashed pass me.. i found myself in the middle of no where, somewhere so strange, so unfamiliar. Asking myself what am i doing here? i dont want no pity from no one, especially from myself, thats the last thing im looking for. Its just hard to believe and even harder to realise the facts. I dont know where i'm heading, even though i saw the familiar smile, i didn't know what to do, i just stood there staring for awhile. Its so close yet so far, how did it all end up like this. Perhaps its just another plan that god has made for me, perhaps its another test of the human life.

The day that it stops bleeding, will be the day it ends, the day that i say good bye. It might seem easy but this is probably one of the hardest lesson that you can ever learn. And learning it by the hardest way it is, which is to walk through it and fall, before you realise what's it for. Finally a question to ask yourself, what was all this really for ?

running towards the future
in god we trust - amen

Let's Start From Here

Giving up, why should I

I've come to far to forget
We're beautiful, we just got lost

Somewhere along the way
So much was missing when you went away
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don′t need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn′t seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here

Standing here face to face
A finger on your lips
Don't say a word don't make a sound
Silence surrounds us now
Even when you were gone I felt you everywhere
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don′t need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn′t seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here
Let's start from here

I've never been the one to open up
But you've always been the voice within
The only warmth from my cold heart
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don't need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don't need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn't seem to keep
I don't care where we go

Let's start from here
Let's start from here
Let's start from here
Let's start from here

running towards the future
in god we trust - amen

Male Bonding session

Cleo Bachelor after party..

my bonding mates

its not what you think.

see i told ya!

the familiar smiles of friends..

Surrounded by the four walls all day long, the gloomy wet weather, just dampens the spirits around. It starts with the sun burning half your ass, waking up to fill your stomach, then the routine warming of the chair infront of the computer. Here we go again with the TV on, msn and the house phone, just automatically become your best friends for the day. You'll never be away from them for more than a minute. Even with the books wide open before your eyes, the true intentions of studying, simply cannot proceed. Work left undone, lying around the room, the clock ticking till the end of the month, like a time bomb waiting to detonate. The curious mind, blank and empty, you just cant focus.

With temptations all around you, it just makes things even worst off. Cant get a peace of mind, wasting your precious time that you're running out of, and spending on the wrong means, wasting your precious money down the drain, its all just not doing good. Even though all these gives you a short thrill, but when you realise it, it might be a tad too late to regret. Don't live to regret your wrong doings, you can learn from them but dont be a fool and step your foot in even though you know you'll get stuck. Easily said, tough to live up to it.

I need god to shine me a path, one that we guide me through it all, one that wont make me regret what i'm doing. Let me have the will to study, and stop these temptations surrounding me.

running towards the future
in god we trust - amen

its been awhile..

its been awhile, quite a long long while since the last update. Time flies, im sure you agree with me too.. its just strange and you can never be too sure of something till it happens eh? so many chapters of life, you dont even know how thick it is. :)anyways the rain is getting on my nerves, spoils my mood urgh.

Why is every corner, every footstep, everywhere printed the same image, its so tough, seems like everywhere is the same mirrors all over the place even the floors. what went wrong? why? how come its illegal to pick up passengers along the streets, but taxi drivers still do it? must they go thru the fine and jail and punishments then they'll realise what's wrong? or do they have to meet with an accident then they'll know their mistakes? why dont they think before they act, and what about others waiting at the taxi stand? i really wonder.. why? please answer my prayers god. there i stood waiting at the taxi stand, where i'll always be waiting, even though i know there's so many people along the road waiting before me, i already knew.

running towards the future
in god we trust - amen