The scar that never heals

It is not what you say that matters, nor the words that you hear. Its the feelings that you get and what the heart makes you feel thats real. Its what your mind tells you to believe but you refuse to, its the choice between the two which puts you in a dilemma, your heart or your mind? Even though you know its true, even though you knew it all, even though you seen it all and you bleed from the wound within it all alone. The day it stops, is the day that its all gone.. nothing left, nothing more, just a scar to remind it all. Tear drops from within, pure and raw. Foot steps that you've walked, no matter how hard it was, against all odds. The mind of steel, that never gave up. The temptations that you never gave in, even though it came straight up. The feelings you had, that could never tear you apart.

Its doesn't matter at all, as long as it goes, but once it doesn't belong, it has probably gone long, way long before. You can't deny, you can't hide, you can never run from the devil's pride. The denial of truth can never hide, especially from the one that runs and hide. All you seek for, is just the true pure heart, it wasn't easy and it never was, all you asked for was a happily ever after, like how the fairy tales goes. The scar that will never heal, will follow me a life time long, reminding me of what i was, what i did, even if it heals, it will still be a part of me.

It was the same place that it all started, everything, everywhere so familiar, faces that i've seen, people that i know, but it was all different. The words that i was greeted with, just brings me down, "i'm sorry to hear that." , "i heard about it, its really a pity." everything just stopped for the moment, memories flashed pass me.. i found myself in the middle of no where, somewhere so strange, so unfamiliar. Asking myself what am i doing here? i dont want no pity from no one, especially from myself, thats the last thing im looking for. Its just hard to believe and even harder to realise the facts. I dont know where i'm heading, even though i saw the familiar smile, i didn't know what to do, i just stood there staring for awhile. Its so close yet so far, how did it all end up like this. Perhaps its just another plan that god has made for me, perhaps its another test of the human life.

The day that it stops bleeding, will be the day it ends, the day that i say good bye. It might seem easy but this is probably one of the hardest lesson that you can ever learn. And learning it by the hardest way it is, which is to walk through it and fall, before you realise what's it for. Finally a question to ask yourself, what was all this really for ?

running towards the future
in god we trust - amen