i hate myself

i phrase "god gives some and takes some" is just so damn right. fucking right.. i guess. sometimes things dun seem like it is on the outside, it might seem that its so perfect and all.. but actually its not. just dun judge by the superficial but i guess its the thing that everyone do "superficially". my EXACT feeling right now is.. "my left foot is stepping in heaven and my right foot is stepping in hell". why? seriously why? everytime when "this" thing comes.. there's BOUND to be some shit under all the perfect picture eh? and for that i abso-fucking-lutely hate myself for it. its just a curse that has always been with me and ITS just REAPPEARING everytime when it seems to come true. well i guess the "phrase" comes in again. taking them away. i hope someday some HOW.. it will go. i'm sorry for this shit i created but i guess.. i just cant take it thats why it all CAME OUT! (gross eh? heh sorry :P) oh well.. i feel top of the world and.. burning in hell sometimes.. my mood swings from heaven to hell to and forth lol. well.. thats about it.. THANKS AND SORRY! peace out. alvin

"its all fate and destiny i guess probably its not my time yet." - alvin 2301

running towards the future
in god we trust - amen